Shari

Slandering my name through the mud,
Oh say can you see so much fun,
They claim its not slander if they speak the truth,
Is it right to gossip, take a pick in the voting booth.
You once were my friend and those secrets I told,
Never imagined they would be traded and sold.
Placed out in public for others to judged,
Swaying opinion when my conviction wont budge.

Anyways, welcome to forevernewhabit.
If you're not on the friendslist be prepared to be bored.
Comment to be added, if I feel it.

Anyone who sees this post, please comment if you want to be added. I may or may not readd you.
I deleted everyone on this friendslist except for Paul, Hannah, and Michelle. And I truthfully don't know anyone else with the same intentions towards me right now, and I don't really know who I can show which pieces of me.
It's been swell. But right now I am in hell trying to fit into your form.
Please, don't take it personally if you don't get added back.
It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.
Feel free to keep my name on your list, I occasionally do post public entries.
And please, please, please: Those of you who know me in person, Please don't get offended if I don't add you back.
Or you get added and deleted. It doesnt mean I am talking about you.
It means I just don't want you to see in my mind. But I have to get it out.
I still care about all of you, and will be reading sharmel friendslist, and occasionally posting. I just need a break from this whole fishbowl thing..and I'm pulling in the reigns the only way I know how.

But whatever. As of now....
Sharmel

LEO
Saturday, January 3, 2004
Partnership is celebrated today. As a practical person, you know compliments go a long way toward making your closest companion feel good. Take the time to make a sincere and heartfelt compliment to the one you love; the payback you receive will be unbelievable

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
this journal is primarily friendslist only, and I'm sorry, I wont add you just cause you added me. Add sharmel. Thanks!

Yo. This is a public post. Not too often does this happen.
woo.

BUT:
HAPPY NEW YEAR

Is there such a thing as an anger fuck? Like a mercy fuck, but it's two people who are just so fucking pissed off at the world that they have all this aggression, and all this anger stored up in them and the only way to get rid of it is to fuck?
My god, what I would do in order to get this out right now! It's pathetic that in this day and age a girl cant get her rocks off with just any man she sees fit. I have to go through perscribed dating rituals, and allude to things that arent there, just to get some. And then, once I get some, and being told I am a worthy candidate for fuckbuddy and a genuine friend, I get reduced to the 3 hr. screw visit! Then, they usually go and get a fucking girlfriend! Fucking A!

How Goth Are You? by sniepre
Your Username
Type Of Goth?	Drag-Queen Goth
How Goth (1-10 Scale)?	4
Average Cost Of Garments?	$108
Favorite Animal?	Ferret
Secret Confession?	I think mental disease can be kinda cute.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

my. god.
heeeheeeeeheeeee.

Bud Cort as Harold Chasen, from "Harold and
Maude." You like morbid types.


Which Unstable Man are you Most Attracted to?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm pretty happy with sharmelannals as of now, it's nice, I have a place for my romance/lust/love poems and writings. Cause lets face it, not all I write is poetry, and not all I write is all too good, but by having it here, I can see it all in one place and it makes sense when I put it all together. I've done a few friends only posts, which I will have to unprivatize eventually, but I figure at that moment, I didn't want everyone seeing how I'd felt for the muse. Later, when it's over and history, it becomes part of the fiction and can be shared. Either way, it doesn't matter since it's only gotten 1 comment, and it was from the muse of the piece, so clearly no one is reading. (that isn't a guilt trip to read.)
It's inresting, cause there is no one on my friendslist for it, except for me. So, really, friendlist entries are private as of now. I wish I had a list of members of my own fan club, I wish I had a fan club. They would read my writing and really enjoy it.
but the idea of people having fan clubs is somewhat dumb. See, Danielle, and Mannix both have LJ fan clubs. And for them, I understand. They both act and are performers. Performers have fans. But my writing, no one really reads it....so who would be my fan club? I even have codes to start one, it's just a big joke. I write, I sew, I occasionally dance, I diva with my clothes, and I'm my own unique individual. Now if I could just make some money off my art......
mew.

Insomnia, it's seems to be your killing me.
Insomnia, it's plain to see your hurting me.
I cannot wake if I can't fall asleep,
Insomnia, you're slowly driving me nuts.

I'd like to fall asleep so bad,
and dream the dreams of a life I never had,
where I'm the hero of the day,
and my sense of being tired has gone away,
I wish for one night I could have the sheep at my command.

Sometimes when I get so tired,
that even closing my eyes is such a task,
I pretend to myself that I'm just a robot,
and I don't need sleep or food.
That doesn't help me, so I pretend I'm a bird,
I try and fly away into the clouds,
but instead of relaxing, it energizes me.

Those nights I fall asleep before midnight,
those are the nights I rejoice,
I close my eyes, I drift away,
then you can't wake me for hours.

shari finkelstein

LEO (Jul 23–Aug 22): Things have shifted since yesterday. Others may not realize how inwardly-directed your thought processes are now. You can keep up the outer appearances, but you may not show how concerned you are about what you are feeling. If you are feeling a split between your inner and outer worlds, trust your inner voice.

Tonight was a nice ending to my trip to florida, I went to see Alien with Hans. It was great. I am jaded and didn't get too scared. Then we went to dinner and back to my place, where I nearly passed out, not. But now he's gone and I'm about to pass out. I had a great vacation. and I should write it up, I don't know where I should paste it, here or sharmel.......
what do you think?

HI ALL! IF YOU SEE THIS ENTY, REST ASSURED YOU CAN SEE MY PUBLIC ENTRIES!
you rock, cause your momma says you do.

Who wants something from Florida/Universal studios?
So far: George wants a flamingo, and Angelo wants something spiderman.
What do YOU want?

firstoff, a week or so ago, at rocky, i was having a shit ass ngiht and then i got reallllllly happy. and in the midst, i was like, "Nate! let's burry the hatchet!" and he said, "we have a long talk before we can bury the hatched" and I go "you assaulted me, so Ok, whatever you say" and walked away. Now this time: I was at diner near the end of the table where Larry was, and Nate was tralking to Larry. I was getting more and more agitated, so I went up to him and I was like, "listen can you and i have a talk for about 5 minutes?
and he goes, "I don't think I'm comfortable with that". almost to larry. and I'm like "were you talking to me, cause your quiet and talking to larry, and you have those shades over your eyes". And he says, "I don't think I'm comfortable with that". And I look at him and go, "You're not comfortable with that? I wasnt comfortable when you grabbed my breast, but WHATEVER." and i sit down and get so agitated that I end up breaking a plastic egg from the vending machine with my hand. At which point everyone looks at me, and I jump up and go to the table where Sean and Nate are talking, look at sean,
and say, "I am sorry sean but I will never interupt you again. NOW, (looking at nate) since you wouldnt talk to me one on one, I am gonna do this now so I don't call the cops like I wanted to that night. If you ever so much as lay a hand on me again Nate I will call the cops faster than you can say anything. Don't ever lay a hand on me. I can't say shit about you molesting others but I damn well wont let you touch me again.Are we clear?" He goes, We've been clear for a long time. and I say "I never said it, so it never came from my mouth now it has. I have nothing against you as a person or a performer, but don'
dont ever fucking touch me again. Adn I turned around shaking and walked to my seat, sat down and he eventually skulked out.
Actually, when he said we were clear, he stood up to leave, all in my face.
I wanted to kick his nuts.
and if he ever lays a hand on anyone underage near me, and they squirm or look uncomfortabe i'll be talking to larry faster than you can say minor assult.

sometimes i feel inside,
like theres a light buring bright,
and theres a person inside living the life i only wish i could lead.
sometimes i feel inside,
like everything's in place,
and i'm actually the hero of my tale.
Tonight's not last night.

So much goes on and there are such few hours. So much has happened, yet I can't say it all.
Friday night Paul and I met in NYC to go to Sonic Vision. It was awsome, thou the trip up was a little odd. I get to the station and there is a kid talking to a girl about how if u get hit by a train, you can still feel it, a bit after you GET hit.
And I end up telling him about how CottonMouth (Lucy Lui) dies in Kill Bill. Then they ended up sitting behind me, and didnt shut up about that kind of talk, so I ended up moving, since I wasnt in a gory mood.
So I got there, and I found Paul, and we got soup from the soupman in Penn Station, Smoked Chicken Gumbo.
It was awsome. Then we went to find the train,
I saw a policeman, and I wanted directions. I walked into a hosiery shop in order to ask him for help, and got thrown out! The policeman didn't even acknowlege me, kept talking to his friend, and the owner kept saying, "Family business, Off duty, off duty" and wierd ass shit. (paul, help me out here.) I was pissed as hell really, cause I was being refused talking to a cop. How would you feel if you tried to get help from a cop and you got thrown out of a shop?
To Be Continued.....

when I have nights like this, followed by nights like last night, it puts a lot into perspective.
i give and give and give and often in the wrong places.
it's pathetic the amount of energy i give to certain women and men. They talk a talk, and walk a different walk, and then just get pathically upset when they realize they fucked up.
Fucking do what you say and say what you mean.
If someone means something to you,
TELL THEM!
And yes this is directed at certain people, and no, I have no right putting my 2 cents in. I just fucking hate it when I can't have what I want, and I know what it is like to not be able to have what I want cause certain people wont make the effort they claim to want to exert. I had the problem with Lou the whole time. He claimed he had no time to hang out, but for months there was no problem juggling other people, work, b-ball, hookups, and whatever. He was up in RedBank, He was down in Brunswick. No calls, no inquiries nothing.
AND because he was Lou, I forgave him. He was there for a long while at that point, so I had no problem sitting around living my life. He IMed, he cared, he was LOU.
And now I am single. I'm sitting here faced with the knowledge that I can hook up with anyone or no one, and the attentions I am shown are what should have a major deciding factor in whom I bed.
Last night I went out to dinner and tea with Paul. I was horny as hell, but we didn't act out. The fact is, we just broke up, and having sex with him this recently wouldnt be the best thing. We'll just end up together again.So I sent him home.
and later I hung out with my ex again, and we had a great time. I drove my ass 45 minutes up there at 2 am, and We sat around and watched Brak Show, I got to watch the Hippo episode while getting cuddles:) He showed me a new episode I had yet to see, he made me a drink with Vanilla Stoli and Ginger Ale. Delicious! and then, I was the naughty kitten everyone knows and loves.
and there is nothing serious.

I like it. It's sorta unusual, cause I am not the best when it comes to not liking people. I mean, I like him wonderfully, he's a great, intellegent, sexy, friendly guy, but he's my ex, and it's rather certain that nothing will develop more than that. Tara Reid (my quotablesavior) made a quote once about exsex being the best sex, cause you know what each other like, and there is yet something illicit about it, cause you arent together.
So yea, I'm actually going to bed on a friday night NOT horny. MEOW.
I wrote a poem for the annals, but I put it friends only and no one is on the list right now. I don't like the idea of third paries being able to comment on my poetry.
and tonight I went to the SonicVision show with Paul. It was incredible. I want to go again. and again. and again. So go with me. Before that he and I had Soup and Onionbread that rocked. And after we went and I had a SHARMEL sunday at Ben and Jerry's. It was a Core Sunday with Phish Food, NY fudge chunk, a core of Caramel, and hot fudge! ROCK!
I paid for it when I came home, but it was worth it. And I missed the Matchbox 20 show, but it was worth it to spend that quality time with Paul.
So as you can see, I'm using this journal more.
MEW.

Shari is _____.
Shari thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Shari
If I were alone in a room with Shari ,_____.
Shari needs _____.
I want to ___Shari
Someday Shari will _____.
Shari reminds me of _____.
Without Shari ,_____.
Shari can be _____.
Worst thing about Shari is _____.
Best thing about Shari is _____.

I slept way to long, I even went to bed semi-early. I don't know why, but I'm horny already. Maybe cause I didn't do anything about it last night. I made my porn onto a cd and promptly lost it during the afternoon, so when I came back, it was missing and I had Fudge. Pumpkin pie fudge.MEW. And Maplewalnut. Nice complimenting fudge. I was gonna share, but no one was around and fudge is fudge when it's good.
It was from Thomas Sweet's Next Door....Now I got my Espresso beans for another day.
If you see this post, comment, since it may be my last public entry for a bit.
It's odd, cause I am mentioning the changing of the journal, but I don't know exactly who is READING, not just scanning. It's a different thing. and I know at least one NON LJer is reading, occasionally, cause he quotes it to me,
it sorta unnerves me.
Maybe I should write him a piece in case he sees this? No, he already has a piece on Venus And it's OLD. There's a reason for that, and I know what it is. It wasn't meant to be. :::shruggle:::: But DAMN, can he do certain things good. No, Excellent. Ladies, You'd be well to hook up with him.....I'd do it again in a second.
Heh, and to think he may see it.
Feel free to comment if you do.

I don't totally understand the reasons for comments, or not having them. I definetly understand the reason for friends only posts; if I ever write about the breathless candy boi again, it will probably be friends only. At least if it involves my emotions. I am a writer but I don't need him, or everyone to see everything of me. Thats why I have this journal. I may not add everyone to this name. Don't take it personal. I just don't always let everyone see everything. I'm private/pathetic that way.
And let me say this once and only once officially.
IF you get on my friends list on this name and you damage my trust and it can't be resolved by a simple conversation, you are off it. Period. I'm not gonna bold it or anything, but my friends list for this name is friends. And if you have issues with my friends, and you're on it, and you damage it in my eyes, and I write about it and you complain, versus addressing the issue, you're off.
This journal is fucking mine and maybe a soapbox, but NOT up for negotiation.
I love you all, but I sure as hell don't have to continue.
Thank you,
Drive Thru.